Some of you may remember me from “findinghappinessandhealth” when I was battling with recovery from anorexia. I started blogging the beginning of my freshman year, and now it is the middle of my junior year.
Although I have come so far since then, I am nowhere near ” perfect.” I expected that when I was weight-restored (which meant ~20 BMI minimum according to my treatment center), everything would get easy. Of course..this was/is not the case.
After you restrict your intake for a long period of time, your body naturally rebels. I began to crave foods I had never craved while I was underweight. Long story short, I fell into a binge/restrict habit (no purge) that not only caused me to put on unwanted pounds, but also caused me to feel depressed. The depression only made the cycle worse.
Bingeing proved to me what everyone had been telling me all along: a restrictive diet just isn’t sustainable in the long-term. Now that I’ve finally realized that my diet can’t be perfectly “clean 24/7” like I wish it could be, I’m trying to find a balance between eating healthy while also allowing myself treats every now and then. Treats without guilt.
This is the only way that I know I can stop bingeing for good. I rarely binge now, but I don’t eat in a way that always makes me feel great. I lOVE eating healthy because it truly makes me feel good, but I also do crave the occasional “less healthy” foods and i’m finally willing to admit that.
At the same time, I am concerned with making sure I don’t obsess about my intake. I am still in college and the last thing I want is to look back and feel like I wasted time worrying about food.
I also think that one of the main obstacles in achieving balance is self-acceptance. In order to get anything you want, you have to learn to love yourself first.
So that is where i’m at in a nut shell…
It’s been a bumpy road, and i’m sure there are many more bumps to come, but i’m finally learning that maybe I don’t have to see every bump as a chance to trip and fall. Maybe I can face each bump, climb over it, and learn something new in the process.