Going from being significantly underweight to being on the higher end of “healthy” [according to BMI, which has flaws] has definitely given me some perspective. When I initially began to gain weight above what I felt comfortable with after recovery (which was probably still too low for me), I intensely desired to go back to my initial recovery BMI. But Instead of achieving it, I continued to gain more weight.
I realized that fighting the weight I was at only made things worse. Of course I look back now and wish I would have been ok with the small increase in weight (in reality it was a really good weight for me), but instead of having regret, I recently realized I need to use it to my advantage. If I continue to have the mindset that I
want need to get my weight down, I am basically setting myself up for failure. That feeling of urgency to decrease my weight causes stress and sets my own standards too high. It deters me from focusing on how I need to treat myself now.
I’m finally at a place where I don’t care if I’m as thin as I was right after I reached a healthy weight. That is BIG. I know that what I really need is stability in my eating… but that will not happen if I restrict. Even though ideally I’d like to lose a few pounds, if I keep having this dichotomous idea of what foods are good/bad and never allowing myself to feel good about a decision to have a treat, then I’m only going to continue with the unstable eating.
I know how tempting it is to want to strive for extreme thinness, but the reality is that happiness doesn’t come with that thinness. Happiness only comes when you accept yourself for who you are because that is when you will truly take care of yourself and make decisions based on what makes you feel good and healthy.
I also want to post about emotions and food but I think I will save that for later procrastination :)